Black Out
by Bad Wolf Jen
Summary: When Edward leaves Bella, Alice returns to help save Bella from herself.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 Falling down.**

"Come for a walk with me," he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand.

I didn't answer. I couldn't think of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I wanted to. I didn't like this. _This is bad, this is very bad_, the voice in my head repeated again and again. But he didn't wait for an answer. He pulled me along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. I followed unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. This was what I wanted, I reminded myself. The chance to talk it all through. So why was the panic choking me?

We'd gone only a few steps into the trees when he stopped. We were barely on the trail—I could still see the house.

Some walk.

Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me, his expression unreadable.

"Okay, let's talk," I said. It sounded braver than it felt.

He took a deep breath.

"Bella, we're leaving."

I took a deep breath, too. This was an acceptable option. I thought I was prepared. But I still had to ask.

"Why now? Another year—"

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

His answer confused me. I thought the point of leaving was to let his family live in peace. Why did we have to leave if they were going? I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant.

He stared back coldly. With a roll of nausea, I realized I'd misunderstood.

"When you say _we_—," I whispered.

"I mean my family and myself." Each word separate and distinct.

I shook my head back and forth mechanically, trying to clear it. He waited without any sign of impatience. It took a few minutes before I could speak.

"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," he said grimly.

"What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

"You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—"

"As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me.

"_No_! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me—somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you—it's yours already!"

He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder—like the liquid gold had frozen solid.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.

There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.

"You… don't… want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.

"No."

I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like

topaz—hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in rheir bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken.

"Well, that changes things." I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my voice sounded. It must be because I was so numb. I couldn't realize what he was telling me. It still didn't make any sense.

He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… _tired _of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." He looked back, and the icy planes of his perfect face were _not _human. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."

He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had.

"You're not good for me, Bella." He turned his earlier words around, and so I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him.

I opened my mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waited patiently, his face wiped clean of all emotion. I tried again.

"If… that's what you want."

He nodded once.

My whole body went numb. I couldn't feel anything below the neck.

"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said.

I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before I could identify it, he'd composed his features into the same serene mask.

"Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger. As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Looking down I shook my head helplessly, as I whispered "you can't ask that of me Edward."

His eyes cooled, the distance returned. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself—for him."

I shook my head again. "I don't think I can, I don't think I have anything left to give." I whispered, as I looked back up at him only to have to turn away again, as his eyes turner even darker then before. And anger rolled off him. Only to meet the coldness I was feeling and with it, it began to drive just enough of it away for my own anger to rise. Meeting his cold stare, with one of my own.

"Bella, be reasonable" he started to say, only for me to cut him off, as I yelled "YOU CAN LEAVE ME, but you don't have the right to tell me how to act once your gone." Just as my anger left me, and the cold numbness returned.

With the last of my anger I said, "GO Edward, please just go." Before turning away.

As if he relished that, the fight was leavening me he said, in barley more then a whisper. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

My knees must have started to shake, because the trees were suddenly wobbling. I could hear the blood pounding faster than normal behind my ears. His voice sounded farther away. "But don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" I asked. It sounded like there was something stuck in my throat, like I was choking.

"Well"—he hesitated for a short second—"I won't forget. But _my _kind… we're very easily distracted."

Then he took a step away from me. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

The plural caught my attention. That surprised me; I would have thought I was beyond noticing anything.

"Alice isn't coming back," I realized. I don't know how he heard me—the words made no sound—but he seemed to understand. "No. They're all gone. I staved behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" My voice was blank with disbelief.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

I was dizzy; it was hard to concentrate. His words swirled around in my head, and I heard the doctor at the hospital in Phoenix, last spring, as he showed me the X-rays. _You can see it's a clean break_, his finger traced along the picture of my severed bone. _That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly_.

I tried to breathe normally. I needed to concentrate, to find a way out of this nightmare.

"Goodbye, Bella," he said in the same quiet, peaceful voice.

"Wait!" I choked out the word, as I turned and reached for him, willing my deadened legs to carry me forward. I thought he was reaching for me, too. But his cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed.

"Take care of yourself," he breathed, cool against my skin. As the first of the tears started to fall.

There was a light, unnatural breeze. My eyes flashed open. The leaves on a small vine maple shuddered with the gentle wind of his passage.

He was gone.

With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.

Love, life, meaning… over.

I walked and walked. Time made no sense as I pushed slowly through the thick undergrowth. It was hours passing, but also only seconds. Maybe it felt like time had frozen because the forest looked the same no matter how far I went. I started to worry that I was traveling in a circle, a very small circle at that, but I kept going. I stumbled often, and, as it grew darker and darker, I fell often, too. Finally, I tripped over something—it was black now, I had no idea what caught my foot—and I stayed down. I rolled onto my side, so that I could breathe, and curled up on the wet bracken.

As I lay there, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. I couldn't remember how long it had been since nightfall. Was it always so dark here at night? Surely, as a rule, some little bit of moonlight would filter down through the clouds, through the chinks in the canopy of trees, and find the ground.

Not tonight. Tonight the sky was utterly black. Perhaps there was no moon tonight—a lunar eclipse, a new moon.

A new moon. I shivered, though I wasn't cold.

A moment or maybe an hour later, I pulled myself up so that I was sitting on the ground surrounded by nothing but trees I yelled out "you can't make me live without you." to the darkened woods. And with that proclamation, my cell phone started to ring.

More by habit, then anything else, I answered the phone. "Hello." I said automatically.

"Bella?" the voice asked. Reconnection quickly got my attention, and as if waking up from the fog Edward had left me in. I grabbed on to that voice as if it was a life line pulling me back in, towards the safety that had been my life before by birthday, almost a week ago.

"Bella, Bella you there?" Alice's voice asked

And more calmly then I should have. I quietly answered "yes Alice." But even to me my voice sounded dead.

"Bella I need you to do something for me."

"What Alice?" I asked cautiously.

"Bella, I need you to stay where you are till some one comes to find you."

"Why Alice?" I asked. What a strange request, my subconscious thought.

"Bella don't act as if I'm stupid. If you are going to do something stupid then you can at least wait till I've had a chance to say goodbye."

Getting mad, I said "what dose it matter? You left. YOU ALL LEFT. And not one of you had the guts to say goodbye."

"I didn't leave, I WASN'T EVEN IN TOWN when they left."

Getting tired all over again, I said "Alice, I'm tired, you all left me and with you, you have taken a large part of me with you." Starting to cry, I had to take a few seconds before continue. "But don't worry Alice, I'm not going to do anything tonight. And even if" my voice cracked then, as fresh tears spilled down my checks. "I am, what should it matter?"

It was only Alice's voice saying "Bella" that stopped me from hanging up.

"What Alice?" I asked tiredly.

"Bella" She said again, as her voice tock on a pleading tone. "Please just wait there till someone comes and finds you. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"OK Alice." I replied tiredly. After all it would be nice to hug the girl I considered my friend/sister one last time.

"Good" she said. And I could hear the relief in her voice.

"I'll be back by mooring." Were the last words out of her moth, before I hung up the phone and quickly turned it off. And with the life line that had been there fell away and out of my reach once more, I fell back onto the ground and let the darkness over take me.

When I wok up it was to find out that the woods had been black for a long time now. And that someone was shouting my name. Although it was muted, muffled by the wet growth that surrounded me, but it was definitely my name. But I didn't recognize the voice. I thought about answering, but I was dazed, and it took a long time to come to the conclusion that I _should _answer. And by then, the calling had stopped.

Sometime later, the rain woke me up. But don't think I'd really fallen asleep this time; I was just lost in an unthinking stupor, holding with all my strength to the numbness that kept me from realizing what I didn't want to know. Because even thought I had said the words. My hart still didn't want to admit it. And with all my anger gone I had slipped back into that cold empty numbness that had been there since he left me, mere hours ago.

The rain bothered me a little. It was cold. I unwrapped my arms from around my legs to cover my face.

It was then that I heard the calling again. It was farther away this time, and sometimes it sounded like several voices were calling at once. I tried to breathe deeply. I remembered that I should answer, but I didn't think they would be able to hear me. Would I be able to shout loud enough?

Suddenly, there was another sound, startlingly close. A kind of snuffling, an animal sound. It sounded big. I wondered if I should feel afraid. But I didn't—just numb. And it didn't matter any way's. Because no matter what I had told Alice, at this moment I would welcome deef, with open arms. But the snuffling went away. And the rain continued, as I felt the water pooling up against my cheek. I was trying to gather the strength to turn my head when I saw a light.

At first, it was just a dim glow reflecting off the bushes in the distance. It grew brighter and brighter, illuminating a large space unlike the focused beam of a flashlight. The light broke through the closest brush, and I could see that it was a propane lantern, but that was all I could see—the brightness blinded me for a moment.

"Bella."

The voice was deep and unfamiliar, but full of recognition. He wasn't calling my name to search, he was acknowledging that I was found.

I stared up at the impossibly high dark face that I could now see above me. I was vaguely aware that the stranger probably only looked so tall because my head was still on the ground.

"Have you been hurt?"

I knew the words meant something, but I could only stare, bewildered. How could the meaning matter at this point?

"Bella, my name is Sam Uley."

There was nothing familiar about his name.

"Charlie sent me to look for you."

Charlie? That struck a chord, and I tried to pay more attention to what he was saying. Charlie mattered, if nothing else did. The tall man held out a hand. I gazed at it, not sure what I was supposed to do. His black eyes appraised me for a second, and then he shrugged. In a quick and supple notion, he pulled me up from the ground and into his arms.

I hung there, limp, as he loped swiftly through the wet forest. Some part of me knew this should upset me—being carried away by a stranger. But there was nothing left in me to upset.

It didn't seem like too much time passed before there were lights and the deep babble of many male voices. Sam Uley slowed as he approached the commotion.

"I've got her!" he called in a booming voice.

The babble ceased, and then picked up again with more intensity. A confusing swirl of faces moved over me. Sam's voice was the only one that made sense in the chaos, perhaps because my ear was against his chest.

"No, I don't think she's hurt," he told someone. "She just keeps saying 'He's gone.' "

Was I saying that out loud? I bit down on my lip.

"Bella, honey, are you all right?"

That was one voice I would know anywhere—even distorted, as it was now, with worry.

"Charlie?" My voice sounded strange and small.

"I'm right here, baby."

There was a shifting under me, followed by the leathery smell of my dad's sheriff jacket. Charlie staggered under my weight.

"Maybe I should hold on to her," Sam Uley suggested.

"I've got her," Charlie said, a little breathless.

He walked slowly, struggling. I wished I could tell him to put me down and let me walk, but I couldn't find my voice.

There were lights everywhere, held by the crowd walking with him. It felt like a parade. Or a funeral procession. I closed my eyes.

"We're almost home now, honey," Charlie mumbled now and then.

I opened my eyes again when I heard the door unlock. We were on the porch of our house, and the tall dark man named Sam was holding the door for Charlie, one arm extended toward us, as if he was preparing to catch me when Charlie's arms failed. But Charlie managed to _get _me through the door and to the couch in the living room.

"Dad, I'm all wet," I objected feebly.

"That doesn't matter." His voice was gruff. And then he was talking to someone else. "Blankets are in the cupboard at the top of the stairs."

"Bella?" a new voice asked. I looked at the gray-haired man leaning over me, and recognition came after a few slow seconds.

"Dr. Gerandy?" I mumbled.

"That's right, dear," he said. "Are you hurt, Bella?"

It took me a minute to think that through. I was confused by the memory of Sam Uley's similar question in the woods. Only Sam had asked something else: _Have you been hurt_? he'd said. The difference seemed significant somehow.

Dr. Gerandy was waiting. One grizzled eyebrow rose, and the wrinkles on his forehead deepened.

"I'm not hurt," I lied. The words, were true enough for what he'd asked.

His warm hand touched my forehead, and his fingers pressed against the inside of my wrist. I watched his lips as he counted to himself, his eyes on his watch.

"What happened to you?" he asked casually.

I froze under his hand, tasting panic in the back of my throat.

"Did you get lost in the woods?" he prodded. I was aware of several other people listening.

Three tall men with dark faces—from La Push, the Quileute Indian reservation down on the coastline, I guessed—Sam Uley among them, were standing very close together and staring at me. Mr. Newton was there with Mike and Mr. Weber, Angela's father; they all were watching me more surreptitiously than the strangers. Other deep voices rumbled from the kitchen and outside the front door. Half the town must have been looking for me.

Charlie was the closest. He leaned in to hear my answer.

"Yes," I whispered. "I got lost."

The doctor nodded, thoughtful, his fingers probing gently against the glands under my jaw. Charlie's face hardened.

"Do you feel tired?" Dr. Gerandy asked.

I nodded and closed my eyes obediently.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with her," I heard the doctor mutter to Charlie after a moment. "Just exhaustion. Let her sleep it off, and I'll come check on her tomorrow," he paused. He must have looked at his watch, because he added, "Well, later today actually."

There was a creaking sound as they both pushed off from the couch to get to their feet.

"Is it true?" Charlie whispered. Their voices were farther away now. I strained to hear. "Did they leave?"

"Dr. Cullen asked us not to say anything," Dr. Gerandy answered. "The offer was very sudden; they had to choose immediately. Carlisle didn't want to make a big production out of leaving."

"A little warning might have been nice," Charlie grumbled.

Dr. Gerandy sounded uncomfortable when he replied. "Yes, well, in this situation, some warning might have been called for."

I didn't want to listen anymore. I felt around for the edge of the quilt someone had laid on top of me, and pulled it over my ear. I drifted in and out of alertness. I heard Charlie whisper thanks to the volunteers as, one by one, they left. I felt his fingers on my forehead, and then the weight of another blanket. The phone rang a few times, and he hurried to catch it before it could wake me. He muttered reassurances in a low voice to the callers.

"Yeah, we found her. She's okay. She got lost. She's fine now," he said again and again.

I heard the springs in the armchair groan when he settled himself in for the night.

A few minutes later, the phone rang again.

Charlie moaned as he struggled to his feet, and then he rushed, stumbling, to the kitchen I pulled my head deeper under the blankets, not wanting to listen to the same conversation again.

"Yeah," Charlie said, and yawned.

His voice changed, it was much more alert when he spoke again. "Where?'" There was a pause.

"You're sure it's outside the reservation?" Another short pause. "But what could be burning out _there_?" He sounded both worried and mystified. "Look, I'll call down there and check it out."

I listened with more interest as he punched in a number.

"Hey, Billy, it's Charlie—sorry I'm calling so early… no, she's fine. She's sleeping… Thanks, but that's not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs. Stanley, and she says that from her second-story window she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn't really… Oh!" Suddenly there was an edge in his voice—irritation… or anger. "And why are they doing that? Uh huh. Really?" He said it sarcastically.

"Well, don't apologize to _me_. Yeah, yeah. Just make sure the flames don't spread… I know, I know, I'm surprised they got them lit at all in this weather."

Charlie hesitated, and then added grudgingly. "Thanks for sending Sam and the other boys up.

You were right—they do know the forest better than we do. It was Sam who found her, so I owe you one… Yeah, I'll talk to you later," he agreed, still sour, before hanging up.

Charlie muttered something incoherent as he shuffled back to the living room.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He hurried to my side.

"I'm sorry I woke you, honey."

\"Is something burning?"

"It's nothing," he assured me. "Just some bonfires out on the cliffs."

"Bonfires?" I asked. My voice didn't sound curious. It sounded dead.

Charlie frowned. "Some of the kids from the reservation being rowdy," he explained.

"Why?" I wondered dully.

I could tell he didn't want to answer. He looked at the floor under his knees. "They're celebrating the news." His tone was bitter.

There was only one piece of news I could think of, try as I might not to. And then the pieces snapped together. "Because the Cullens left," I whispered. "They don't like the Cullens in La Push—I'd forgotten about that."

The Quileutes had their superstitions about the "cold ones," the blood-drinkers that were enemies to their tribe, just like they had their legends of the great flood and wolf-men ancestors.

Just stories, folklore, to most of them. Then there were the few that believed. Charlie's good friend Billy Black believed, though even Jacob, his own son, thought he was full of stupid superstitions. Billy had warned me to stay away from the Cullens…

The name stirred something inside me, something that began to claw its way toward the surface,

something I knew I didn't want to face.

"It's ridiculous," Charlie spluttered.

We sat in silence for a moment. The sky was no longer black outside the window. Somewhere behind the rain, the sun was beginning to rise.

"Bella?" Charlie asked.

I looked at him uneasily.

"He left you alone in the woods?" Charlie guessed.

I deflected his question. "How did you know where to find me?" My mind shied away from the inevitable awareness that was coming, coming quickly now.

"Your note," Charlie answered. surprised. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a much-abused piece of paper. It was dirty and damp, with multiple creases from being opened and refolded many times. He unfolded it again, and held it up as evidence. The messy handwriting was remarkably close to my own.

_Going for a walk with Edward, up the path_, it said. _Back soon, B_.

"When you didn't come back, I called the Cullens, and no one answered," Charlie said in a low voice.

"Then I called the hospital, and Dr. Gerandy told me that Carlisle was gone."

"Where did they go?" I mumbled.

He stared at me. "Didn't Edward tell you?"

I shook my head, recoiling. The sound of his name unleashed the thing that was clawing inside of me—a pain that knocked me breathless, astonished me with its force.

Charlie eyed me doubtfully as he answered. "Carlisle took a job with a big hospital in Los Angeles. I guess they threw a lot of money at him."

Sunny L.A. The last place they would really go. I remembered my nightmare with the mirror… the bright sunlight shimmering off of his skin— Agony ripped through me with the memory of his face.

"I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods," Charlie insisted. His name sent another wave of torture through me. I shook my head, frantic, desperate to escape the pain. "It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house… but I tried to follow him."

Charlie started to say something; childishly, I covered my ears. "I can't talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room."

Before he could answer, I scrambled up from the couch and lurched my way up the stairs.

Someone had been in the house to leave a note for Charlie, a note that would lead him to find me. From the minute that I'd realized this, a horrible suspicion began to grow in my head. I rushed to my room, shutting and locking the door behind me before I ran to the CD player by my bed.

Everything looked exactly the same as I'd left it. I pressed down on the top of the CD player. The latch unhooked, and the lid slowly swung open. It was empty. The album Renee had given me sat on the floor beside the bed, just where I'd put it last. I lifted the cover with a shaking hand.

I didn't have to flip any farther than the first page. The little metal corners no longer held a picture in place. The page was blank except for my own handwriting scrawled across the bottom: _Edward Cullen,_ _Charlie's kitchen, Sept_. _13th._

I stopped there. I was sure that he would have been very thorough.

_It will be as if I'd never existed_, he'd promised me.

I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under.

I did not resurface.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2. **Moving Out

_Fainting, passing out, or even falling into a coma. All these words mean one thing. Your mind is not able to handle the stress or pain, your body is under, so it shut it's self off. _

_You black out._

_Hiding away from the world, trapped inside your own head._ _Away from everything and everyone._ _And that's what happened to me. My mind not being able to handle the pain of losing a large part of myself shut itself off from the outside world, as my body and mind tried to heal itself. Only I'm not sure if there's a way to heal after everything's said and dune._ _Because how do you heal from a wound, that no one but you can see or feel._ _Maybe it's like trying to put a glass back together after it's been shattered into a million pieces._ _Try as you might there is nothing you can do, but melt it down and start over again._

_I felt as if I was drowning in my own misery. But like someone being drowned by a stormy sea, I could surface for brief breaths of air. As I drowned in my own misery, trapped inside my own head, I surfaced for a brief of air. To bad people aren't as easy to fix._

The first time I came back to myself, I found myself back on my bed with cold hands raped around me and for one sweet second I thought it had all bin a horrible dream. But then reality hit me and I realized that the arms holding me didn't belong to Edward they were to small and didn't fit the same around me and in a instead I knew there was only one person it could be holding me... Alice the name struck a cord.

"Alice…" I whispered as fresh tears began to fall.

Her armies tightened around me. And I think she tried talking to me but I couldn't hear anything but the sound of my own voice trapped inside my own head. Screaming and yelling at the darkness that was threatening to overwhelm me. Fighting against the cold emptiness, that is my soul.

Not wanting to accept the truth. My mind begin to wonder, searching for anything to grab on too. Because the only reason Alice would be holding me and not Edward, was if the nightmare was real. As I realized the truth, I blacked out once more.

The second time I was aware of the would outside my own head it was to awake to the sound of Alice and Charlie talking outside my door. Being careful not to move in-case they realized I was listening in. I closed my eyes and held my breath, focusing on nothing but there voice's.

"Alice, what's going on? First, I come home to find my daughter missing, with nothing but a note on the kitchen table. Then I find out that your whole family has moved without a word to anyone." Charlie stopped there as if to catch his breath before continuing. "And when we finely do find Bella, she's like THAT." He all but yelled the last part.

As Charlie got a hold of his temper; I couldn't help but ask myself what he meant. 'Like what? What's wrong with me? How long has it bin since E…' shuddering unable to even think the name. 'He left me. Why wasn't I enough for him? Why did he have to go looking for de…?' Before I could finish that thought, Charlie started speaking again.

"And then you show up at my house. At three am in the morning, and less then twenty-four hours since your family moved."

"Now I'll ask you one last time, what's going on?"

"The short answer is that my brother is an idiot, and I didn't want to leave my best friend."

"Alice honey, you know I love you, but if you don't sta…" what did Alice do to make him stop talking. The quite that fallowed was deafening, I don't know why but in the couple of minutes that fallowed before she continued talking it seemed to last forever.

"Ok, sorry." She said, making me frown. What is going on to make Alice sound so tired.

"Well for one thing I haven't been here since the night of Bella's birthday party." WHAT?

"So I'm not sure of everything that happened."

"What do you mean Alice? Where were you?"

"After Bella left her birthday parity, we got a phone call. One of are friends from Alaska called to let us know that a good friend of the family's had died, so me, Jasper and Esme, left on the first flight out."

"Sorr…" Alice must have waved of his apologies before continuing with her story. And it was a story. There was no way for her to tell him truth, not without putting him in danger. And whatever motives she may have for coming back, she would not put him in danger.

"The next day after getting back from the funeral we got a phone call, Edward being the stupid, melodramatic, idiot that he is, decided that it would be best if he left and got away from Bella and moved back to Alaska."

Then Alice went on a rant about how stupid Edward was. It took all of my will power to stop myself from laughing at the long list of insults aimed at Edward. But then again it also took all of my will power not to yell at her for insulting Edward, as I held back the tears from falling; my grief threatened to overwhelm me.

I didn't want to get trapped in the blackness; I wanted to run out of my bed and go hug my best friend. But I stayed in the bed, unmoving and silent, as I coling onto Alice's voice.

It was only her voice keeping me in the light.

I was afraid, afraid of what I would do if I stayed in the light. With the black hole that was my soul, threatened to swallow me alive. Only Alice's voice keep me in the painfully bright light, away from the safe darkness, that was threading to consume me. I knew the darkness was safer then the light. Because the light was, the lie and I even knew that I was hiding behind the darkness. But once I went back into the darkness, I wasn't sure if I would come back out again.

And scarier yet, I wasn't sure if I wanted to come back from the darkness.

Shaking my head in order to clear out the cobwebs from my head I was surprised to hear that Alice was still ranting about Edward. I was actual surprised Charlie didn't stop her. He must have been as surprised as I was to hear all of that coming out of little Alice's mouth.

After Alice finely stopped ranting, Charlie asked "why did Edward think it was best if he left Bella?"

"You wouldn't know it by looking at him but Edward is extremely self sacrificing. When he thinks he's doing the right thing for someone he can and will go to the extreme. And with Bella he thinks she will be better off without him so he decided that it would be better off if he moved away from her just to keep her safe from him."

And with that, she stops talking, to go on yet another rant about how stupid Edward was.

A few minutes of silence follow before Alice calmed down enough to continue.

"So with Edward off running, Esme and Carlisle thought a change would be nice, and took the job offer he had gotten a few weeks ago."

"Why's Edward running?"

"Ok, in order to understand that you have to understand Edward's history."

"When I say he's off running I mean it." She must have stopped to take a deep brief, but the silence seemed to last forever.

"Since we were kids he has always ran whenever he started to get too attached to someone. The first time it happened was after our parents died. He went missing for two days. And we only fond him when he came home walking thru the front door. Over the next few years, he slowly stopped letting people in." I could here the sadness in her voice.

"We all have." She added almost in a whisper.

The sound of Charlie's voice suppressed me. "Alice." He said, making it sounds more like a question then anything else.

"Sorry." She said. What was she sorry for? I asked myself as I wished I was hugging her once more, as a little part of my brain knew that everything she said was a lie.

"I'm not going to go into it all, but after a few really bad years he closed himself off from the outside world. Bella is the first person to get passed that careful mask he where's. And because… well let's just say, that if she got a spider bite he would blame himself. And well you remember last year, when she got hurt falling down the stairs." Charlie must have been about to say or do something because the next thing I knew she was all but yelling at him.

"It wasn't his fault. HELL if he hadn't got a bad feeling and went to go check. Then we might not have got there in time to save her." She stopped there, probably in order to get her temper under control.

"But he blames himself for it. And then she got hurt at her birthday parity. So he's blaming himself for that too… now he's convinced himself that she's better off without him."

"If this is the way she reacts to his leaving then maybe sh…" Charlie started to say.

"DON'T EVER SAY THAT." She yelled cutting him off. "DON"T EVEN THINK IT."

For a long time, there was silence in the hallway, and I it wasn't for the fact that I hadn't herd footsteps in the hallway then I would have sworn that they had left. I don't know why the silences took forever but today they seemed to last a lifetime. It was Charlie who broke the long silence in the hallway, surprising me.

"Alice…"

"If you don't understand it then I'm not sure I can explain it to you. The closest term I can come up with is soul mates and I'm not sure if that is enough. There's a reason she's like that. I've never seen Edward so happy as when he was with her. They're both happier together then apart. I've been around both of then when the other is away and it's like the lights gone. Bella's better at hiding it but it's still the truth." Alice said in one big breath.

"Alice, that's ridicules."

"You can think whatever you want, but the truth is still the truth. Besides we're getting off topic."

"In order too… He most likely.." She keep starting and stopping, as if she couldn't figer out what to say.

"My brother is also a good actor. And if I know anything about Bella then I know that when she decides too do something that she sticks too it. So when she fell in love with Edward and make no mistake about it she is in love with him. Because nothing else but true love could do that to a person. Even if you don't believe that they're soul mates. Anyway if I had to guess when he tried too brake up with her. She wouldn't accept it. So he lied."

"Lied…?" Charlie said making it a question.

"Yes lied." Alice replied. "My brother probably thought that it would be easier on her if he made it a clean brake. So more likely then not he lied."

"Alice how do you know all of this?" Charlie asked.

"For one thing I know my brother and another thing well… you know how people say that twins can sometimes have a weird link."

Before Charlie could say anything Alice continued. "Well it true. At least it is for me, and Edward…. At times it's like I can see inside his head. But anyways we're getting off topic again. So Edward let Carlisle know that he leveing. And Carlisle called Esme and they talked it over because me and Edward are the only two left in high school they gave me the choice I could move with them or stay here."

"Alice why are you here why not go with your family."

Alice sighed well making a ad sounding sound, making me frown. "Edward's not the only one who stopped letting people in. We all have. Over the year's we all stopped letting people get close to us. We slowly started too push people away from us and not letting new people in. It's one of the reasons why Bella had such a hard time getting past his shield. Because when Edward let Bella in we all let her in."

"Alice…" Charlie said, sounding concerned.

"Sorry, we spent years in therapy. Sometimes it leaks over. Anyways it doesn't matter. She's my best friend, I don't want too leave. I like the school, I have less then a year left. And I didn't want to leave my home just because Edward thinks he's doing the right thing."

And with that, I tuned them out as I let darkness over take me once more. Because I just couldn't take hearing anymore of Alice's story's and half truths. I'm not sure how much time had passed since the nightmare had started but I did know one thing for sure. I would not be able to wake without my angel, or maybe I should call him my prince, after all, I had been liveing in my own personal fairytale till it had all got ripped away. But there was no more fairytale for me. No prince, no happily ever after, and no cure from this Hell. But even as one's soul burns in hell and they drown in there own misery one can come up for air. Even as the nightmare tries, too pull them under.

My next big breathe of air came sometime later. And this one would keep me above water for a long time to come. Although I'm not sure if I would call it breathe as much as being hit with one of those defibulators, because with one quick jolt I was I was suddenly aware of the world around me once more. I was back in my room with my mom and dad. They were gathering up all of my belongings.

"What's going on?" I quickly asked. Surprising both of them, although I'm not sure who was more surprised. I was shocked to see my mother there, holding a pile of my belongings as my father zipped up a suitcase.

"Bella" my mom yelled as she rushed over to give me hug, dropping everything to the floor. "Mom what's going on?"

"Oh, honey, your coming back home with me." Confused I ask "what, I am home, mom."

"Honey, we think that it would be a good idea if you come back to live with me." Mom said.

"WHAT, NO, I'm not." I yelled as I grabbed the bag out of Charlie's hand, along with my toiletries bag, and purse and headed down the stirs. Only too, stop when I saw Alice sitting on the couch.

"Alice? Can I stay at your house?" I asked, as I grabbed my coat and headed for the door. And with that we were driving away before either of my parents could get out of there shock, long enough to try and stop me.

Later on, I would ask why everyone was acting so strange. Later on, I would feel sorry about my actions. Later on, I might feel something. Feeling anything would be better then what I was feeling right now. Right now all I felt was a numbness, inside and a small bit of fear. I was afraid of myself, afraid of what I might do. Afraid of what might happen if I slipped, slipped back into the darkness. Or slipped over the edge and let myself do what I wanted to do. Because Alice's phone call had let me know that I was closer to that final darkness then I might like.

But for now Alice was here and I needed to know why she was here. That knowledge might be the only thing stopping me from taking the final steep.

AN: no reviews no updates.


End file.
